The prince says I am surfing - "dicking around" he calls it.
But I am not. I am on google earth, looking at my childhood. It is all still there. I thought that maybe I had remembered some of it wrong - but no. It is just like I remember - exactly how I remember. Which unfortunately means, that the other memories are probably just as real.
There is the canal behind our house. Vicky's house right next door. The 4-lane highway I crossed on my way to school - a half-mile walk for a kindergartener - alone. I look at that map and cannot imagine letting the ballerina even turn the corner alone. There is my school, my church, the cemetery where mama is. Crazy's house is far - on the other side of town, a whole world away. I can see the pool in our backyard.
I am looking for something. I am looking to see if I am right. If this is what really happened. Sometimes I think that at 6, I could not have possibly remembered what I think I did. But here it is - in my face - and it is all true.
I found some of my mom's old friends. They confirm what I already know. I have been stashing away these memories since I was two years old. And they are pretty damned accurate.
I am searching for another reason too. I have to go back. Soon.
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1 comment:
Your memories are so vivid, so clear there is no doubt that they are real. You will go when you are ready, only you are not alone, and you are in a different place now.
XOXO
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