6

I woke up today - and I knew it right away. Knew it was the day - like some cosmic meteor that I can't dodge.

Last year was bad.
This year has it's own issues.

This year - the princess is me.

She is 6 years old - and if I bite the dust tomorrow, this is all she would have. She would have six years of memories - six years of pigtails and dance lessons. Six years of girly bedspreads and somebody buying her cute undies. Six years of shoe shopping, lip gloss, late night snuggles, spraying way too much perfume in Macy's and rocking out to our favorite songs in the car. Six years of sneaky snacks, always looking in the pink aisle at Target, homemade birthday cakes and tea parties with real tea.

Six years of very good stuff.

I cannot imagine her getting cut off right now. It seems unbearable - unfathomable that she could negotiate the next 30 years of her life without me.

But she would. She would have to.

And maybe that is what makes me most sad of all today.