finding peace

There isn't any lately - peace I mean. It's just run and go and dance around crazy schedules of play practice and choreography rehearsals. I am furious - absolutely furious at everything - the insane rehearsal schedule that seems to change hourly - which totally f%@#$ up my family's schedule.

And maybe that's not why I'm furious anyway. In the midst of all this crazy - there is something that grinds me to a halt. Last spring two pediatricians suggested that the princess could have lupus. LUPUS. Our family doctor screened her and said she was clear, but left the information on her chart anyway. She said that she'd never seen anyone younger than six develop symptoms, so maybe the test was not completely accurate. The princess was four.

So last week she comes out of choir with a red bridge across her nose. I asked her what happened and she had no idea. The bridge is still there today - almost four days later. I try to stay calm, but it's hard. We have a history of autoimmune problems in our family - lupus would not be out of the realm of possibility.

So when the director calls and asks when I can rehearse, or the accompanist says they need my music cuts NOW, even though I love them both, I just want to grab them by the shoulder and tell them that they can do the fricking hokey-pokey for all I care. Right now I am not checking a rehearsal schedule, or cutting music, or doing choreography. Right now I am holding my five year-old and watching a movie. I will find my peace wherever I can.