what they know

Sometimes the princess and the jester say things - mysterious, cryptic things, that leave me wondering about what really happens when we die.

I was brushing the princess' hair, and was in a hurry. She grabbed my hand and turned to me, with deep, serious concern on her face.
"Be gentle," she tells me. "Remember when you were four and I used to make your pigtails? I know it hurt sometimes but I tried to be gentle." I searched her face for moment, trying to understand. She waited and then shook her head saying, "I knew it. I knew you wouldn't remember."

When she was two and a half she would say all kinds of crazy things;
"I wish Heaven wasn't gone."
"Where did it go?"
"I just, I just can't SEE it."
"What would you do if you could see it?"
"Well if I could see it, I would go back in it."
"Oh. What did you do there?"
"I just rested."
"Did you have friends there?"
"Yes, and I rested."
"Will you tell me about Heaven someday?"
"Yes I will. (pause) I looked like a ballerina and I danced and danced to the beautiful music."

Then there was this gem at 20 months:

Me: "K - I am so lucky, so lucky that you are my little girl."
Ballerina: "Yeah, but God gives N(jester) and K a - a (thinking hard- feeling her cheeks and chin and eyes until - aha!) - a new face!"
Me: "What?"
Ballerina: "I lived up so high and then I came down and I could not go back up. But that was when I had no - no bellybutton. I had no belly button and then I came down."

And then there was the time that the 3 year old Jester told me he had been to my grandma's house in Heaven. ( My grandma died when I was 10). He said - "It's red now, but it used to be green, and remember, there was that train in the garage with all of the tunnels." He giggled. "You thought the water in the house tasted yucky, and we had those pink flowers."

I didn't confirm or deny any of his information (all of it true) I just say, "You weren't even born when my grandma lived in that house.

"I knoooowwww," he says, half exasperated, "I was waiting and I saw you there."

If what they say is true - I am jealous that I can't remember any of it. If it's not true - I wish it was.