secrets

I read today how secrets can kill us. I thought it was funny. Because I have secrets - lots of secrets - and they aren't killing me. Sometimes they make me scared and out of breath and that funny feeling like dropping from the top of a roller coaster. It does not always feel good - but it's not killing me - not yet anyway.

Besides, some secrets are just in your head and you have to choose to make them real things. But after you choose, it is real - it is a real secret forever - and you can never put it back inside your head. Plus, once you tell a secret to somebody, it is not just your secret - is “our” secret. And you have to trust somebody to help you keep it. You have to trust.

That is why I don’t tell anybody my secrets.

I crave Sean Connery. I love the BeeGees. I have a secret that is far away - but close in my heart. Right now I am listening to MmmBop by Hanson - and loving it. I liked Harry Potter - all 7. When I am alone I dance hip- hop and ballet. I hate running. I love trampolines. Sometimes words I read make me cry. I am such a smart ass that even sometimes I cannot believe it. I was student council president. I can’t sleep - ever. I love kisses. I’m really serious about the BeeGees thing. The best kiss I ever got was in a dream - and I still think about it - even now. I drink mochas like crazy. I have four cavities. I bite my nails when I feel small. One time I was in the hospital for 52 days - and I never talk about it. I love waterparks. Three boys I really loved were gay - I still love them - I am just like Grace. I'm afraid to be left behind. I will read anything. One time I got kidnapped - another time I almost did.

I was every guy’s best friend - the funny one, who wouldn’t commit. I hate vegetables - but not broccoli. I am afraid that you can’t handle me. I still chew bubble gum. I am afraid of snakes. I have the best job in the world. His voice curls my toes. I feel guilty for a lot of things. I didn’t study all through college. The things I want are not usually good for me. Nobody ever thinks I am shy - but I am. If I could go anywhere it would be Australia, or my mom’s grave. I have met three presidents. I have touched a dolphin and held a starfish in my hands. I cannot stop writing - even though there is nothing interesting to tell.