just sleep

I like that everyone tells me to sleep. Like I can just do that. Like I am normal.

God, I wish.

I cannot turn off my brain. I try. I have done everything she said to do. She said no caffeine after 5 - I don’t have any ever. She said no TV after 8 - I don’t even turn it on. She said stay in the living room until you are sleepy - I am staring at the Christmas tree when the kids wake up. She said “here - take one of these.” I took one - it worked. She said “My God if that is the only thing that works, we have a problem.”

It is a real problem - a big problem.

But last night I slept. I did not wake up once. I slept because I had been crying that day. She had never told me to try that before.